What a difference 24 hours makes

I'm sitting here, at my dining room table, tapping away, happy as a clam. Was not the case at this time last night. No. This time last night, my stomach was in knots, as I was suffering through Valkyrie.

What possessed me to watch this movie? Well, H and I were having the nicest of nice days. It was Friday, and since I don't work on Fridays, I spent a few hours at my mom's house. H called me as we were leaving, about 1:30, and said he hadn't left the house and had just been working from there! This rarely happens, so Maya and I scurried home so we could all hang together. We played, danced, practiced standing.... H gave Maya-le a bath, and we put her to bed. We made an easy dinner together, I poured a glass of wine, and we turned on the tube. "Wouldn't it be nice to see a movie?" ... we thought. After cruising through all the lame-ass movie channels, we went to Pay Per View. And there it was, starting at 8pm.

I really don't like war movies. I really really don't like Hitler/WW2 movies. The reason being that it's not make believe -- this really happened. And it's painful to re-live. At least after a horror movie you can (try to) convince yourself that it's just make believe and the sun will come out in the morning. That the imaginary boogie-man under your bed won't come out and grab you. But with these movies, you can't do that. It's part of our history, and it's so damn sad.

Well, Tom Cruise did a good job, but I can't say I liked the movie. Gah, it's about the failed plot to assassinate Hitler. You don't have to know the story to know that it was an unsuccessful attempt.

Anyways, I rolled around in bed for a while. H fell asleep RIGHT AWAY. I got up to look for an ambien - half a pill always does the trick. But the bottle was empty. I went to go lie down in the extra bed in Maya's room. Brain racing. I came out to play on the computer a while. I went back to bed. Can.not.sleep. I came back out to try and sleep on the couch, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted the oh-so-elusive ambien. I popped in half a pill and made my way back to bed. Placebo affect or not, it shut my brain off and I was able to fall asleep. A good two hours after initially getting into bed. OY VEY, if I do say so myself.

Mamma Mia is on tonight, and I couldn't be happier.

We had a cool day today. During Maya's morning nap I took an hour snooze on the couch... i never do that but I was going on 6 hours of sleep and that really just doesn't do it for me. Once Maya woke up we got ready, my sister came over, and we got ready to head to the Getty to meet my dad and other sister. We were going to celebrate my dad's birthday. We live literally a few miles from the Getty Center off Sepulveda, and I haven't been there in YEARS. silly, no? I've wanted to try the Restaurant forever, and this was a perfect occcasion.

We had SUCH a nice time! I didn't snap any shots from inside, but the architecture is great... big open windows overlooking the city, lots of natural sunlight, it's really just so pleasant. Maya was eating up a storm, I swear this girl loves food like crazy. It's so crazy, that she even likes lemons.


Seriously, she didn't even pucker her lips! It could have been a saltine cracker for all she cared. We were cracking up!

After lunch we went to take some pictures. As hot as it was today, there was a glorious breeze up in the hills. Did I mention it was beautiful?






It was just so nice. After lots of photos we went for a nice walk, and even checked out the photography and sculpture exhibitions. They were not very inspiring, but I believe people come to the Getty more for the ambiance then for the actual art.

We came home, Maya crashed for a nap, and we just stayed cool. It was effing hot outside. H took a late afternoon nap, and Maya and I just went up the stairs over and over -- she gets a total kick out of this. God bless entertaining wee ones!

And now H is down south picking up Bella, and I'm listening to Pierce Brosnan Abba it up! Truth be told, everyone gave him too hard a time for this performance! I love me some Pierce!

Buenas Nochas! :)

It's been so long

since I've written here last. Gah. I won't even try and play "catch up" because it would just be random and long-winded. So I'll just start spewing.

What is the state of my life right now? Overall, I'd say it's going really well. I feel content and OK with the world around me. I really am grateful to feel this way, because I can remember all too well a few months ago feeling quite nauseous with the world around me. Peace is a good thing.

Maya is just a pure, pure joy. So much fun. Such a little love. A round, chubby, scrumptious, edible, smiley baby.

Who likes to hang out in diaper boxes.

Maya and my mom this past weekend

and will probably have crazy hair like her mama

Right before bath time

She's crawling up a storm, pulling up, and as of yesterday, standing hands-free! For about 10 seconds, when she plops on her butt. Thank goodness for cushy diapers! She's very proud of herself, and squeals with delight. It's too darn cute.

I think all of the excitement over standing solo made it really hard for her to fall asleep tonight. I put her in her crib at 6:45 and she was supremely silent, but I watched her crawl around her crib, stand up, lie down, move from this side to that side, repeat, for over an hour! At some point she just said, "OK, this is getting boring. Might as well crash." And that was it. But not one little inkling of noise! So awesome. Thank god for the video monitor. And Ferber.

I also feel pretty balanced because I came to terms with something the other night. I had my review at work week before last. It was about 5 months late. Seriously. Boss was just busy and kept telling me we'd do it "soon." I wasn't too worried, because any raise I got would just be paid out in one lump sum to reflect getting it on my date-of-hire anniversary. The review was good, standard, basically the same song and dance I get every year. However, my ears perked up when my boss said, "We'd really like to know when you're planning to come back to work full-time." Uhhhhh, huh? My mental answer was, "Never." But I told him I'd have to think about it and get back to him.

See, before Maya was born I had a sit-down with my boss and CEO. I told them there was no way I could maintain my 50+ hour weeks and long commute, once the baby was here. I suggested working full time, but two days from home. After a good amount of back and forth, they said that they didn't want to set a precedent of having people work from home, so if I wanted one day at home, we'd cut my time by one day and I'd work 4 days. They said that we could maintain this schedule as long as it worked for the company, and if there were any problems with work not getting done, they'd talk to me about it before taking any action. Cool.

Well truth be told, I am getting all my work done and more. Somehow having a baby just makes you not waste time when things need to get done. I took on a whole new set of responsibilities when I came back to work in January and am still getting it all done. And I cost my company 20% less. With all the push for "cutting costs", they have a hell of a deal with me. I put all of this in a letter to my boss, asking him if we could re-evaluate the situation in 6 months, when I'm done breastfeeding. But that was just dangling a carrot. My Mon-Thurs are intense and exhausting and having my Fridays at home with Maya is just too valuable.

See, it's a struggle having a career and being a mom. You want to "climb the ladder", be more, attain that "C" title. But you cannot do that without sacrificing quality time with your kids. It's a very hard thing to balance. I am ambitious and I want to do great things with my career. I am competitive and I want to do better than my coworkers. The other night I felt so unsettled about it all. I started talking to H about getting to the "Director" level and beyond, and he said, "Well, is that what you want?" His phone rang so he got distracted, but I sat outside, enveloped in the warm evening air, as the sun was setting beyond the tall cypress trees (what an incredible night), and asked myself that exact question. Is that what I really want?

Hmmm. What's my boss's life? 10-11 hour days. In the office on Saturdays. Lots of travel. Not a bad life if you have no kids or you don't really value quality time with your wife/husband. But if you do??? Hell no. I love my family. I love hanging out at home with Maya, with H, with friends that stop by, with family. It's the bread and butter of my life right now. It's the best. And these years, of raising a family, are years that you can never get back. It's a period in our lives, and once it's gone, that's it. I'm loving it so much that I just want to savor each moment of it.

Once that thought processed through my mind, I felt so settled. I'm going to do a kick-ass job at getting my things done right now. I'm going to run my business unit better than it has ever been run before. I'm going to knock their socks off. Yes, sir. Mon-Thurs, from 7:30am - 3:30pm. On those off hours, I'll be loving it up with my precious family. If work needs me? Blackberry.

Word. I've felt on top of the world since. And the fact that a recruiter has been jocking me hard-core for a Director-level job at our biggest competitor? That helped too. :)

Adventures in Mobility

Alas, we have reached a new phase in the Cali girl household. Yes, the weather is warmer, the flowers are blooming, the hummingbirds are out. The grapevine has tons of wee baby grapes on it. The pomegranate tree is starting to bulk up with baby pomegranates.

But that's outside. Inside, we have a whole other cup of coffee brewing.

We're crawling.

Well, let me rephrase that to say, "Maya is crawling."

She's been practicing the crawl for an awfully long time now. Getting up on all fours, rocking back and forth... But she couldn't figure out how to coordinate putting one hand in front of the other, and one knee in front of the other for the longest time! I kept thinking -- she's about to crawl... in a week we'll have a crawler... but alas, she had different plans.

Last Monday I left for Vegas for a quick work trip. I really was not worried about it. My New York trip in March totally had me prepared for this. Vegas is a quick hour flight away, I'd be back by Wednesday, and to be totally honest, I really looked forward to some good wine and a luxurious bathtub. We were at a meeting/conference at the Red Rock, and the rooms there are quite nice. So I was game.

I had a dinner commitment with a customer for Tuesday night, but nothing for Monday night. There was an opening reception in the exhibit hall for Monday night, so I envisioned bringing up a glass of red to my room, ordering some room service, getting in the tub, and chilling out. Life with a baby doesn't offer much opportunity to be selfish and lazy!

Well, as the saying goes, make plans and then let god decide. At the reception, our CEO was in discussion with some other colleagues about their dinner with another customer that evening. I guess she was not too interested to join - it was a group of men, all they'd probably do is drink, smoke cigars, and trash women (one of them is going through a nasty divorce and is in the "women suck" phase). So she turned to me and said, "Cali girl, we're going out for dinner!" Oy! I mean, I was definitely looking forward to the opportunity for some one on one time with her, but that just about killed my plans for a quiet, zen evening.

We ended up having a nice time though... Ordered some good wine (she's a wine afficionado) and had lots of great conversation. She really wanted to know how it was being a mom (she has no kids and is quite anti-kid to be honest) and how it was balancing life with a kid. She asked about H (she knows him) and how his business is surviving in this bleak economy. We just had a nice, genuine, heart-to-heart talk and it was really nice.

Anyways (gosh, I'm rambling), the meeting was great and I did enjoy myself -- seeing some great customers, having nice meals, general good times. I got home Wednesday right in the middle of rush hour traffic (God bless) and battled the freeway home. I ran my little legs in as fast as I could because it was right around Maya's bedtime, and as I came in, I saw her in the crib (via the monitor). She was still awake, but at that point I didn't want to go in there -- if she saw me she'd get excited and it would be hard for her to settle down.

In the morning I was so excited to see her and I scooped her out of her crib... ahhh, there is nothing as heavenly as seeing your babe after a few days of not being together. I went to work and came home as quickly as I could in the late afternoon... and when I went into her room, she crawled over to me! It was so awesome!

Friday and Saturday turned into "Operation Babyproof." We had done some preliminary babyproofing when we saw she was practicing crawling, but we had to get the big guns out. H and I went to a local baby-proofing store and bought gates, plug covers, and other random supplies. We moved out sketchy furniture from the living room/dining room.

And now, it's "go baby go!" It's so much fun to just sit her down and see where she'll roam! We've had to retire the bouncy chair (she just does not want to sit still) and I believe the jumparoo is about to go as well.

We had a really nice weekend -- some nasty drama H had with EEW on Thursday dared to ruin it -- but we did not let it. On Sunday we had some family and friends over for a BBQ and pool-time, and as always, it was lovely.


By the end of the weekend, my girl was standing!!


It was painful easing back into work today, but now we're on with the week. And since I don't work Fridays, it's a 3 day week for me!!

Keep it in the family

I'm tired as all hell this evening. Last night Maya went to sleep beautifully at 7pm, only to wake up at 1 am, and stay up until about 3:30 am. Oy! I haven't had a night like that with her in SO LONG. It was nuts. She was just awake awake awake and had no interest in going back to sleep. In the end I had to rock her to sleep. Seriously haven't done that since she was a newborn.

MIL left early this morning. As I was falling back to sleep, I heard her come downstairs at 4 am... to make her breakfast for her early morning flight. I am very happy to say that her visit was very pleasant. It's a world of difference compared to how she was last year. She's really grown and is so much more independent. We had a nice time. She got to bond with Maya - who always had a grin for her - and we had a lot of good, in-depth conversation about relationships (hers with her husband, mine with H, general family stuff) and I think it did us all a lot of good.

See, I've been noticing this for a long time. Always, probably. The weekends that steppie is with us, H has a tendency to act totally differently towards me. It's like I become "just another person" living in this house. A roommate. It's totally weird, and I don't like it... but I kind of have gotten used to it. It makes me not really look forward to the weekends that she is with us... which is totally unfair, and I know it. It's not her that is the problem, it is H. Even though he never admits it, I know he harbors a great amount of guilt that he couldn't be with steppie full-time since he and her mom split up before she was even born. He hasn't dealt with those feelings (and I worry he never will) and it affects their relationship now. There are numerous times when I have to point out to him that he is being over-the-top or over-indulgent with her. Nothing is gained by that behavior... in fact, it just creates problems for later on. She's about 9 now. I fear for when she is 15 or 16.

Anyways, I talked to H about it last weekend. I also talked to my mom about it - we're close, and I really share a lot with her. My mom shared it with H's mom, and being a therapist, she shared it with him. No, it wasn't a game of telephone, where the end message ended up being totally different than the start message... but it was just about the fact that we are a family, and I am a mother now, and there is just a "right" way to behave towards your wife. H is a good hearted guy, a loving guy, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. Well, I'm tired of being patient... he needs to start getting it. I think with all the talk, he is at least aware of the issue(s) and seems like he is making an effort. We'll see if it takes.

As far as my little girl, she's great. Other than her zombie-like behavior last night, she's a total delight.


She's practicing crawling like mad right now. She hasn't yet coordinated it, but I'd say within the next month she'll have it down.


Right now she's doing all sorts of Cirque De Soleil types of acrobatics, just working on her balance.

It's tiring! She gets pooped.


Today we met with some other babies and mamas at Garfield Park in Pasadena. It was so much fun! You can get the recap on Meghan's blog.

http://pumpkin-on-board.blogspot.com/2009/05/park-playdate.html

So, as always, life is good. There are hiccups in the road, but that's OK. I can always go to sleep at night feeling grateful and fulfilled.

Oh bla di, oh bla da....

Gosh, it has been a while, hasn't it? I suck at this blogging thing on top of everything else going on in my life. Moms who work, take care of their kid(s), still connect with their husbands and blog while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy get GREAT BIG kudos from me!! Seriously.

I do want to say that I am reading all of your blogs. I comment here and there (most likely "there") when I have a chance, but I am reading. Excuse my commenting-laziness.

So... what have we been up to? A lot and seriously, it's hard to remember. It scary to think about! I love my time with her so much and I worry that I'm going to forget it all! I'm not one that is scared of her growing up... on the contrary, "grow!" Let her grow to be healthy, strong, smart, sweet, and independent - I'm all for it. But I don't want to wake up one day - she's 10 - and I can barely remember how it was to have my sweet little Maya babe! Oy.

OK, well she is eating up a storm. Her repertoire of food items includes oatmeal (the solid staple to many of her meals), sweet potatoes, peas, carrots, apples, pears, and bananas. She's a good, hearty eater. I love that she's into solids now. When I put her in her high chair she gets so excited!! She's like, "what are we having now, mom?" It's too cute and too much fun. Other than the fruit, I'm making everything a la casa. Good, organic, and homemade! The way it should be.

We went swimming for the first time last weekend! The temperatures were PURE INSANITY in SoCal... literally, desert heat sprung upon us for few days. Luckily, this occurred over the weekend, so we had the opportunity to heat up the pool and have some friends over. Whee!

Maya just loved the water. I knew she would... but thank goodness she didn't start wailing. She was just chilling, kicking back. She is so my daughter (and H's too - he's totally a water boy).


After swimming around for a bit, we took a break in the shade for some grub.


It was hot as hell but with the flowers blooming on the hillside, it was just so lovely!


It was also my birthday last weekend! Yes, I have joined the ranks of the "thirties" -- scary, but also somehow nice. Gone are my twenties, when everything is so chaotic and life lacks a real sense of direction. It made me feel so fortunate to realize that while turning 30 I have an incredible husband, a beautiful daughter, a good job, a home that is my sanctuary, family I love and that I can count on, and everyone is healthy and happy. Seriously! Whenever I find myself feeling bummed about something, I always remind myself how lucky I truly am... and then the "problem" vaporizes away. I don't know if it has to be with becoming a mother, or maybe it's just the state of the world, but sometimes I find myself getting stressed and "weighed down" by things, more than I probably ought to. I don't like the feeling. So remembering all that I have to be grateful for has truly helped.

OK, so for my birthday celebration, we went out with my closest friends to Rush Street in Culver City. Rush Street is a restaurant/bar. The decor is cool - high ceilings with ornate wood paneling. This would be a great place to go if you're looking for dinner and a lively bar scene. They have an upstairs area which becomes a little "nightclub" at night -- there is a list and everything. Oh, so LA. The food is your decent upscale bar food... nothing too memorable (or healthy). But it was a good choice.


My sister, the hostess with the mostess, arranged the reservation and got a cake for me. It was very sweet. Before I blew out my candles she had everyone go around the table and toast me. It was totally sweet and everyone said such sweet things. I have a great sis :)


So, there is surely stuff I am missing reporting, but such is life. Tomorrow MIL comes into town. Yeah. Madame organico, meditationah, high-maintenance-eh. She is SO excited to see little Maya, and I have to admit, so am I. With all the stuff there is going on around me, I doubt there will be much of an opportunity to get annoyed.

I say that now. Check back with me at the end of the week :)

These are the days to remember

We had such a full, fun day today!

H left yesterday and is gone for the weekend, so it's just a "Maya and me" weekend.... I love these so much. Yeah, it's hard when I don't have an extra hand around to help me with stuff... but I love the peaceful energy of just me and my girl. It's so pure and loving and it totally invigorates me!

An old friend from high school was in town and we got together for coffee this morning... she has a 14 month old daughter... and of course, my 6-month old Maya is BIGGER than her. Haha! Her daughter is tiny - in the 2nd or 3rd percentile for weight... where as mine is now modestly in the 90th. I haven't seen this friend since high school (over 12 years ago) so this was so nice to get together.

Afterwards we came home and my mom came over... and we gave Maya her first real meal! Oatmeal! Whee - it was so much fun! The pedi said she's spit it out the first time, but just to keep trying, and after a couple of days she'd get the hang of it. No problem with my healthy eater - she gobbled it down! We were cracking up.

My mom left and a little bit later my sister came over... that was also so much fun. For Maya's next meal, we made her some more oatmeal. She wasn't as enthusiastic the 2nd time around... but likely because she really wasn't all that hungry. She still ate most of it though :)

And then... like we didn't have enough activity for the day... my sister, Maya and I went to go meet a great girlfriend of ours (we grew up across the street from eachother) for sushi! 5:30 pm, sushi, but nonetheless, it was a Friday night out! We never really take Maya out in the evenings because she goes to sleep around 7pm and when you throw her evening routine in the mix there just isn't enough time for dinner. But tonight it was "ladies night" so I just threw in the towel.

Maya was so good at dinner - babbling up a storm, and so enthralled with everything around her. She straight up wanted my chopsticks and my sake, and I had to keep them far away from her. Can you imagine wasabi in her little mouth? Yeesh.

We got home about 15 minutes past her bedtime, so I scratched a bath (first time in SO long she hasn't had a bath at night), fed her, changed her, and put her down. She fought going to sleep a bit because she was just so charged, but she was tired, so by 7:45, she was out.

Such a fun day! I'm telling you, being a mom is the best thing ever (not that you didn't already know that :P) .

And just for kicks, here's a shot of Maya passed out on Daddy last Sunday night. She is one that really only falls asleep in her crib or car seat, so this was definitely memorable.

I'm home!!

I wrote this post about 2.5 weeks ago, after I got back from New York...

Coming home and seeing little Maya today was HEAVENLY! When I got home the nanny had just put her down for her afternoon nap, which was great... gave me a chance to stick the milk in the freezer (I managed to bring home quite a stash!), wash my hands, and eat a piece of toast... I was starving! When Maya woke up, I swear, I couldn't speak I was so happy/emotional. She was also smiling from ear to ear... who knows what she even realizes at this age, but it was so tender and loving for me and I just wanted to love her up!

I fed her and she had no problem at all breastfeeding... I was worried that after almost four days on the bottle, she might be done with eating au natural... but she took right to it!!! Phew. And we played and laughed... and OMG, she is rolling like a freaking champion now. From back to front to back to front... she made it like halfway across the room! I was in hysterics - she was seriously showing off! She was not rolling like this when I left on Monday morning...

I gave her a bath and she is sitting up so well... such a big girl! And when I put her in her crib she wasn't fussing at all... She was rolling and kicking and talking to herself and it took her a good 30 minutes to settle down and go to sleep, but she was in good spirits and did it all herself.

Big, wonderful changes these days... what a great age.